Vanishing Woman

Please don’t be offended if I don’t want to take a picture. Let me explain.

For a gal who made a living off her face (I was an ok actress, but I did have a photogenic face) the tables have turned. 

I run when anyone pulls out an iPhone or any other piece of technology with photographic capabilities.  Taking pictures has become public enemy number one for me.

Someone mentions “let’s take a selfie!” and I can do the hundred yard dash faster than Usain Bolt.  I am faster than a speeding bullet, but in the opposite direction. 

The reason for this is that sometimes I have little control over my face.  So when someone says “Say Cheese! ” my face says “Ha Ha watch this!” and proceeds to do the Watusi.  Although great on the dance floor, not so much on your face.

Also with Parkinson’s… come those nasty little (haha, I say little, but take that with a grain of salt) tremors.  My jaw sometimes acts like those windup chattering teeth.

Or you can have face masking, where you lose movement and expression in the muscles of your face. Well I guess I have to admit here that it does make for a great poker face. 

On top of this, Parkinson’s can bring along a creepy little friend with it. It is called Dystonia.  And this creepy little stalker has been hanging around me for sometime now.  He peeks out of the shadows when you least expect it.   Although now I have come to expect just about anything.

Here let me google Dystonia for you.

Craniofacial dystonia – your face, head or neck muscles are affected by contractions. Oromandibular dystonia affects your jaw movements…

Stop! No more… Sorry that was very dry… I will try to do better. Let’s just say dystonia can make you feel like a pretzel.  You know… the twisted kind.

So back to my photo-a-phobia.   You would think that I would be the perfect person to say “Oh let me take the picture of you guys,” so I don’t have to be in it.  Problem is – my hands shake so bad the pictures are nothing but a blur.  So I keep those running shoes close at hand.

So hence I have dubbed myself “The Vanishing Woman” because I have vanished from all pictures taken around me in the last few years.

Now if Apple or Samsung can come up with an app that counteracts Parkinsons’s and Dystonia in pictures…….I’m there.